Let Me Go Read online

  “Don’t you ever say that to me again, Gabby. I’m doing all this for you girls! I’m trying to make things better. Can’t you understand that?” Mom screamed in her face, while Gabby held her hand against her flaming cheek.

  “It’s too late, Mom! It’s too late for me and Olivia to have a normal childhood with a normal family... You should’ve tried harder years ago. Whatever you do now is for Emma... and for yourself,” Gabby said through angry tear-soaked words. “Olivia will be gone, and I don’t matter. I don’t matter to anyone now.”

  “Gabby, you know that’s bullshit! I’m still Olivia’s mother and your mother and nothing is changing except where we live and that Olivia won’t be there to sleep in your room. You’re being selfish, and this is not the time. One more word from you and I swear...” she threatened.

  For a moment all three of them stood there in silence, Gabby and Mom glaring at each other, with Olivia looking back and forth between the two of them, hoping the storm was waning, her own tears falling for the turmoil she’d caused resulting in Gabby being struck. Then, like a bull in a china shop, Billy swung the back door open and strutted in, wiping his face with a dirty, sweat-soaked bandana, breaking the stillness.

  “We’re ready for some more. What’s going next?” he asked, looking around at all three of them, standing as still and silent as trees, hot tears streaming down both Gabby and Olivia’s faces. “Uh-oh, I can come back...” He turned to step back out the door, but Olivia reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him. Gabby knew exactly what she was thinking. If she pushed Mom too far and Mom lost it with her, maybe Billy could pull Mom off before it got too ugly.

  Gabby couldn’t help it; she had to get the last word in—her stubborn personality demanded she always had to get the last word in—and she didn’t care about the consequence. “Fine, Mom. I didn’t know we were such a burden. I guess one less kid would be easier on you, since you don’t have time to be a mother, so just let her go...” Gabby quickly stomped out of the kitchen, avoiding Mom’s rebuttal and looking for something to kick.

  Gabby could hear Olivia following her down the hall. She didn’t want to hear any more from her. She felt abandoned and unwanted. She ran into their bedroom, slamming the door behind her, and threw herself onto her bed, crying. Olivia just walked right in; there were no locks on doors allowed in their house. With the exception of the bathroom, you didn’t have the privilege of privacy.

  “Gabby, you shouldn’t have started that with Mom. Are you okay?” she asked, sitting next to Gabby on the bed.

  “No, Olivia, I am not okay. Okay?” Gabby answered angrily, her voice muffled by the mattress. “Just leave me alone. You’re going to do that anyway; may as well start now.”

  “Gabby, please don’t be like this. If you found someone you loved, I’d be happy for you...” Olivia softly ran Gabby’s pony-tail through her hand, trying to soothe her sister. “Regardless of how you feel about it, I’d still like you to come to the ceremony. We’re doing it this coming Friday and it will just be a handful of people. I’d like you to stand beside me.”

  “Nope.”

  “You seriously won’t stand beside me when I get married?”

  “Sure I will, if you marry someone else—and much later...” Gabby answered, spite dripping off her tongue.

  “All right, suit yourself. I’d like to have you there if you change your mind, but I’m not going to beg you. I’m not changing my mind.” She stood up to leave. “I still love you the same, Gabby... Billy can’t change that.”

  Gabby heard the door click shut. She hated that Olivia was playing the good, calm sister. She’d rather they do what they usually did when they really disagreed: scream, cry, scratch, and pull each other’s hair... At least maybe Gabby could win the fight like that. This was a one-sided battle and Gabby didn’t have a chance to win with Olivia playing like this. Gabby wanted her to be happy but just didn’t think this was the right time or the right guy. The least Olivia could do was stick with her through this move to see what would come of Mom and Dad. But they both knew there would probably never be a right time. She had to let her go. But she didn’t have to be happy about it, and Olivia could damn sure bet Gabby wouldn’t be at that ceremony.

  CHAPTER 5

  “Gabby, I’ll be home right after I get off work. I have a date tonight to get ready for,” Mom said. “Be sure to have your sister take a bath and in bed by nine.”

  “You have a date that late?” Gabby asked. “Where are you going?”

  Her mom had only been single—and not even legally—for less than a year, but in that time she’d already started a new life, one that involved people Gabby had never met or even heard of. Gabby didn’t like it, but she kept her tongue.

  “It’s the only time I can date, working this shift. I met a guy who owns a small bar out in the county. He’s going to pick me up and we’re going back to his pub for a while.”

  “Okay, love you, Mom... I’ll take care of Emma,” Gabby promised her, hiding the resentment in her voice. “I’ll probably be asleep when you get home, so be sure to lock up. You want to go do something together tomorrow when you get up?”

  “We’ll see,” Mom said, knowing she wouldn’t. She never had time to do anything anymore but work and sleep, or go out with her new friends. When they’d first left their dad, they spent every minute together that Mom and Gabby weren’t working—hanging out at the pond, letting Emma feed the ducks, or just walking around the mall window shopping, sometimes treating themselves to a movie at the dollar theatre. It was just the girls for the first few months—minus Olivia, who they rarely saw—until their mom was invited out one night after the late shift. It didn’t take long for her to discover herself under the almost twenty-year shadow their dad had cast over her. She had come to life right before their eyes. Even her hair was longer and shinier, her eyes brighter, and her already trim body cut tight with muscles from working at the plant.

  At thirty-four years old, she could pass for late twenties and they were seeing their mom as she must’ve been before she was Mom. It was strange seeing her smile so much and it took some getting used to. But beneath her resentment, Gabby had to admit she was glad to finally see her happy—even if only for fleeting moments.

  Her mom reminded her of a butterfly that had finally emerged from her cocoon—or as her mom would rather, a dragonfly. The whimsical creature had been chosen as her mom’s mark of her newfound freedom. Her mom had recently watched a movie that centered on a woman and a dragonfly tattoo, sparking an idea for her to take on the same symbol.

  Gabby had gone to the tattoo parlor with her—a scary place—and held her hand while the artist inked the tat starting with a very faint flight trail dipping and curving untethered across the spread of her bare back to land a dazzling scarlet-red dragonfly onto her right shoulder.

  It was an impressive work of art and Gabby wanted one too. The artist gave her a copy of the artwork with a promise that he would do hers, when she was old enough to come back and see him.

  Gabby lay in the top bunk, listening to her baby sister, Emma, sleeping soundly beneath her. This was their life now—boring—but everybody had wanted a change, especially for Emma; she didn’t need to see any more fighting. What Gabby hadn’t realized was that she would be the one most affected by the change. Olivia had Billy, who helped her get a car. They were both working and had already moved out and gotten their own place. Mom still had her job, and Emma still had school.

  Within weeks of their move, it was obvious someone had to help take care of Emma. Mom couldn’t work twelve-hour shifts to support them while taking care of Emma fulltime. Gabby didn’t really like school, but she’d made good grades and had at least gotten to hang out with her friends every day. Dropping out at age sixteen to take a job at minimum wage and play nanny to her sister wasn’t in her original plan.

  Now that their mom was happier, she’d started taking more time to fix herself up and was wearing cool clothes that actually fit her.
Gabby was proud of her and was glad to finally see her happy. Even with her brutally hard job at the plant, their mom finally had a life of her own. To Gabby, it was starting to feel more like they were sisters than mother and daughter... like they were raising Emma together.

  When Olivia married Billy and seemed to almost disappear from Gabby’s life, Mom filled that gap, and they got closer—a lot closer. Gabby thought the three of them made a good team, even if she missed Olivia terribly. Now that Mom and Olivia seemed happier, Gabby had to work on a plan to improve her own life without putting their mom into a bad position. All Mom needed was to find the right guy. Then maybe he could help. Maybe she could even quit her job at the plant and find something with fewer hours that was easier on her body; then she wouldn’t be so tired and could take care of Emma and the cooking and cleaning herself, not depending on Gabby for so much.

  Gabby had already gotten her GED, soon after Olivia did, but still wanted to go back to school, maybe take some college courses and try to work her way into a better life than the one she grew up in. Mom just needed to get her feet under her a bit, and then it was her turn. That was the start of her plan, and unlike Mom and Olivia, Gabby’s didn’t have to include a man.

  “Gabby, come out here and meet Mark,” Mom said.

  “Okay, coming,” she answered, stepping out of the bathroom with a towel over her head, thinking, Oh boy, another one.

  Mom had been out on dates with several guys since her separation, and with the exception of one, who Mom said was just “too nice,” Gabby thought none of them were good enough for her mom.

  They were all drinkers, with the telltale signs of extreme alcoholism: the red faces with spider veins in their cheeks, the red bulbous nose, the pot-belly with skinny legs, and the most obvious sign, a beer in their hand any time of the day or night. Gabby just couldn’t understand why Mom set her standards so low. For her age, she was looking really good; people sometimes assumed they were sisters. Mom didn’t even drink alcohol, but she seemed to be attracted to drinkers, even when she could clearly do so much better.

  Gabby walked the short distance into the small living room and was immediately impressed. She had to look up to see all of him, and she’s not short; this guy had to be about 6’3”. He was nicely dressed in a sports coat with leather on the elbows, a starched white button-up shirt, and ironed jeans. He had salt-and-pepper hair, lots of it... and no signs of being a drunk. He was clean and smelled like cologne. Hmmm... this one was different.

  “Hi,” Gabby said.

  “Hey, kiddo, I’m Mark. You must be Gabby. I’ve heard so much about you from your mom. I hear you’re quite the little grownup,” he said while reaching out to shake her hand.

  “I’m sixteen—closer to seventeen,” Gabby answered somberly, not appreciating being referred to as a little grownup. “But I try to do what I can.”

  “Well, you’re doing a great job. You’re a big help to your mom,” Mark said.

  Gabby felt awkward and tried to gracefully end the conversation. “Umm... Mom, aren’t we doing something together today?”

  “Yeah, and I thought Mark might want to come along. You don’t mind, do you?” Mom answered.

  Actually, Gabby did mind. It was Sunday afternoon and for once, Mom was up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Emma was excited about the day, too. It wasn’t often anymore that they got to spend any weekend time together, and she was looking forward to it being just the three of them.

  “No, I guess not. That’s fine. Let me finish drying my hair,” Gabby said as she walked back to the bathroom, feeling let down. But she didn’t want to ruin it for Mom; this one looked like he had potential.

  The bathroom door crashed open, hitting the wall as Emma made her entrance. “Gabby, did you see Mom’s new boyfriend?” Emma asked breathlessly. “He looks really nice and he already gave me a dollar!”

  “For what?” Gabby asked.

  “For nothing,” Emma bragged. “And he said he’s going to buy me some new clothes!” Emma looked like an angel with her big striking blue eyes and dark brown hair. Dad had always said she was full of piss and vinegar, but Gabby liked to think of her baby sister as sassy and spunky.

  Emma sure wasn’t going to inherit the height Olivia and Gabby had from Mom; she looked like a pixie, a head shorter than her classmates but thin like all the women of their family. She spoke in the squeakiest voice... but even for a bratty little sister and all she’d been through with the separation, she was still cute as a button and full of life. Gabby was worried about her missing Dad so much, but the kid barely missed a beat. In her everything-is-always-wonderful brain, he was going to call or show up any day now, so Emma didn’t seem to worry about it. She was so excited about Mom’s new guy and her dollar, she ran back out of the bathroom, bumping the door again, causing it to slam against the wall before bouncing shut, her long shiny hair seeming to glow as it trailed behind her.

  “Hmm, nobody gives something for nothing, Emma,” Gabby mumbled under her breath, feeling her first stir of suspicion.

  CHAPTER 6

  “Olivia!” Gabby yelled, running down the stairs to meet her. Gabby was wiping down the table when she saw Olivia pull up in her cute used orange Toyota. It had been a while since her sister had visited, with both of them having jobs now and staying so busy, and Gabby couldn’t wait to catch up. “How’s the old married lady?”

  It was still a sore spot between them, but they were working on it. Despite Gabby’s pleading and even her attempt to prevent the big day by hiding Olivia’s birth certificate, her sister had just applied for a new one and then quickly went through a civil ceremony and tied the knot. Gabby hadn’t attended, and for that, she felt guilty, but it was her way to let her sister know she’d never accept Billy as her sister’s husband.

  Olivia got out of the car, pulling her legs out slowly one at a time, then hanging onto the door to pull herself up. Something was wrong. Gabby stopped just in front of her, looking into her eyes, and saw sadness reflecting back at her.

  “Olivia, what’s wrong?” Gabby worriedly asked

  “Nothing. I’m just tired. I’ve missed you guys like crazy,” she answered, obviously trying to change the subject, but even her voice seemed lifeless. Something was definitely up and Gabby would bet her left foot it had to do with Billy.

  “Let’s go upstairs. Mom’s just getting up. She’ll be glad to see you.”

  Gabby ran up the stairs and reached the top, looking back down to see that Olivia had barely made it up three steps but was hanging on to the railing like an old woman. Gabby turned back around and kept walking straight into the apartment to Mom’s room.

  “Mom, Olivia’s here, and I think something’s wrong with her. Her eyes look weird and she had trouble getting out of the car. She could barely make it up the steps. She’s still not even up here yet.”

  Mom and Gabby walked back up the hall into the living room to find Olivia just coming through the door. Then she sank down on the couch, kicked off her flip-flops, and pulled up her legs.

  “Hi, Mom. You don’t mind if I just take a short nap, do you?” she asked, her eyes already lowering as if she just didn’t have the energy to hold them open for even a few minutes longer.

  “Olivia, what the hell is wrong with you? We haven’t seen you in a month and you come in looking like something the cat dragged in. Out with it. What’s wrong?” Mom said, getting straight to the point.

  “Nothing, Mom. I’m just tired. I thought I could see you guys and take a nap instead of going right home today. Is that a problem or do I need to nap at my own place?” Olivia said, getting defensive.

  “Don’t take a tone with me, girl. I’m your mother and I can see there’s more to it than that. Go ahead and take your nap. We’ll talk when you get up,” Mom said. “Gabby, get your sister a blanket.”

  Gabby went to her bunk and pulled down her favorite fuzzy blanket and came back and tucked it around Olivia. She’d never seen her look this way and was afraid. Gab
by grabbed a book and sat at the end of the couch, pulling Olivia’s feet onto her lap, carefully tucking the blanket around her toes. She was asleep in minutes while Gabby read the same page over and over, trying to figure out what could be wrong. Was her sister on drugs? Pregnant? What was making her act like such a zombie?

  Gabby wiggled around, trying to keep her butt from going numb, but not wanting to move away from Olivia as she slept. She had been asleep for just over half an hour when she finally rolled over. As she did, the blanket rolled with her, revealing her lower back where her T-shirt had ridden up. It was mottled with swirls of green and blue. Gabby first felt sick and then just pissed off. Someone had beaten her and Gabby knew just who it was. It wasn’t easy, but she waited for Olivia to wake up. After another half an hour of fidgeting at the end of the couch, hoping to “accidently” wake her, Gabby couldn’t stand it anymore. She gently tugged at Olivia’s big toe.

  “Olivia... wake up...” Gabby said softly in a singsong voice. She didn’t want to make her mad before she got her to talk. Making her mad would only make her shut down—one of the major differences in them. When Gabby got mad, the world would know it, but Olivia retreated when offended, solemnly shutting down to lick her wounds.

  Olivia opened one eye, peeking through her lashes. “Not now, Gabby. Let me sleep!” she said, snuggling deeper into the couch.

  “No. I want to know how you got those bruises on your back,” Gabby said, pulling at her toe again. Gabby knew Olivia couldn’t stand to have her feet touched, just as Gabby couldn’t stand to have her hands touched. Gabby was still being ignored, so she quickly ran her fingernail straight up the bottom of Olivia’s foot, heel to arch, then leaned way back waiting for the backlash.

  With that, Olivia shot up, making sure to pull her shirt down, then crossly smacked Gabby’s hand. “Damn it, Gabby. You know I can’t stand that crap. Geez! Why couldn’t you just let me sleep?”