Let Me Go Read online

  “If you tell me where you got those bruises, I’ll let you go back to sleep,” Gabby said.

  “I fell down at work.”

  “Whatever! Who do you think you’re talking to? I know you and that’s the biggest pile of bullshit you’ve ever tried to feed me. Billy did that, didn’t he?” Gabby felt fire boiling her blood. She wanted to rip his head off.

  “Gabby, you always assume the worst of Billy. You don’t like him and I can respect that. But he is my husband now, and I ask that you respect him,” she muttered.

  The monotone words didn’t even sound like Olivia. As Gabby watched, her sister sighed, and then turned around to sit Indian style on the couch, pulling her legs in and re-tucking the blanket around her. “Okay, I’m not going to start lying to you too. He did do this, but it was the first time and the last time, and it was my fault. I pushed him until he just snapped. We’re fine, though. We made up and he promised to never do it again. Please don’t tell Mom,” she pleaded.

  “Oh my God! How can you even think that, Olivia?” Gabby was flabbergasted. “After all we’ve watched Mom go through with Dad! Really? Oh yeah... I remember now... They are always so sorry; they’ll never do it again—oh, and don’t let me forget—they can change. Right, Olivia? Isn’t that the way it always was with Dad and Mom... How’d that work out for twenty years?”

  “This is different, Gabby. You don’t know yet. Until you’re in a serious relationship or married, you can’t possibly know. It’s complicated. We got our place now and we’re making a life together, but it’s hard. It’s stressful to try to pay all these bills. We’ll probably start trying to have a family in the next few years. Billy doesn’t want to screw that up. He won’t do it again,” Olivia insisted.

  “He won’t do what again?” Mom asked, walking down the hall toward the living room. “May as well tell me what he did, Olivia. I already heard you girls talking.”

  “Great. Thanks a lot, Gabby,” Olivia complained, then reluctantly told her story again. “Mom, we just got into a fight. It was no big deal. But it got out of hand and Billy shoved me. Gabby saw some bruises on my back.”

  “Let me see, Olivia.”

  “I’d rather not, Mom. I’m cold,” Olivia lied as she tried to inconspicuously sneak the blanket higher.

  Mmmhmm, Gabby thought. Olivia knows Mom would see those weren’t shoving-falling down bruises. Mom is seasoned; she knows abuse from only a perspective of a professional taker. With one look, Mom could probably tell Olivia whether the left hand or the right hand had made each of those marks and how old each of them were. Olivia doesn’t want Mom looking.

  Mom marched straight over to her and with one hand on the back of her head, bent her over to face the floor, pulling the T-shirt up with the other hand. She gasped. “Olivia, those marks were made with fists. I ain’t stupid, girl.” She pulled Olivia’s shirt back down and stood over her. “I don’t care why. I don’t care how. You girls know there is no excuse that covers this. Billy isn’t going to start beating on you. If you let him get away with it once, there is no end.”

  “Well, why did you let Dad stay for so many years, then?” Olivia asked, surprising Gabby with unusual sarcasm aimed at their mom.

  Uh-oh... bad move, Olivia. Mom’s fuse was about two centimeters long, and the sight of those bruises had already burnt down half of it before Olivia even started talking.

  “You listen to me, girl. I had two babies to take care of. It wasn’t just myself. Then your little sister came along. I couldn’t just pack up and leave. I had to have help supporting you girls,” Mom said, pointing her finger in Olivia’s face. “And right now, all you have is you. That’s the best time to leave. You’ll move in here with us.”

  “Mom! Chill out. I’m married now. You cannot just make me leave my husband and move in with you,” Olivia answered. “I promise that was the first time and the last. If he hits me again, I’m out. I’ll leave him, no questions asked. Okay?”

  Mom paced the living room, looking like a caged tigress. Gabby knew better than to open her mouth right now. This was all on Olivia. Gabby sat at the end of the couch, waiting for Mom to either back down or freak out on Olivia. Mom lit a cigarette and continued to pace another few minutes, stopping only to flick her ashes into the ashtray—with more force than necessary, then resuming her pacing, looking extremely pissed off.

  Finally, she stopped directly in front of them, staring at Olivia. She unintentionally exhaled a puff of smoke directly into Olivia’s face. Olivia didn’t flinch—or even so much as cough. They both sat still as statues, waiting to see what was to happen.

  “Here’s the deal, Olivia. You have to show him you mean business. If he thinks he can hit you and there’s no backlash, he’ll keep it coming. Trust me, I know how this works. I’ll let you go back, but not before you give him some time to cool off and let him see you won’t run right back to him. You can stay here a few nights and then go home. Don’t answer his calls and don’t let him in this apartment,” Mom said firmly, expecting and receiving no backtalk. “And in the meantime, he’ll be learning his lesson.”

  At that she walked off.

  Olivia didn’t argue any further. Mom’s mind was made up. Gabby was proud of Mom for stepping in to do something. I just wish she’d done it months ago when Olivia married the jerk. But Gabby knew to keep that thought to herself.

  Olivia leaned out to peek down the hallway, checking to be sure Mom was really back in her room before saying, “Great. I already called off work for the whole day. Now what am I going to do? Do you have to go to work, Gabby?”

  “Yeah, I do. There’s no way I can call in or they’ll fire me. Sorry. Just kick back and relax. You can borrow some jammies and take a long hot bath... maybe watch a movie before Emma gets home from her play date,” Gabby said. That actually sounded pretty good to Gabby. She was now wishing she didn’t have to go to work. “I’ll be off at nine and come straight home. We can catch up!”

  “Gabby, don’t you ever do anything besides work and take care of Emma?” Olivia asked. “Don’t you hang out with friends, or have a boyfriend yet?”

  “I did meet a girl at work and she has a car. We’re going to try to go out some, maybe this weekend—if I don’t have to watch Emma,” Gabby said. “And there is this guy.”

  Olivia raised her eyebrows. “What guy?”

  “Well, his name’s Tom, and he lives close by. I think the next set of apartments over, maybe in Pine Terrace? Anyway, he’s been walking over when Mom & Mark aren’t here, after Emma goes to sleep. Right now we’re just friends, but I know he wants more. I had to practically beat him off me the last time he came over. I like him too, but it’s just too weird with a nine-year-old down the hall who might walk out any minute,” Gabby said.

  “How old is he?”

  “Twenty.”

  “Gabby, he’s too old for you,” Olivia said seriously. “You need someone your own age.”

  “Listen to you, Olivia. Billy’s almost nineteen. That’s a whole year’s difference, oh my God, big whooping deal. Better call the city!” Gabby teased her. “But seriously, I haven’t done anything with him, not what he wants to do, anyway.”

  “If he’s twenty and hanging around here, he’s after something. Do you like this guy enough to let him... you know...?” Olivia asked.

  “Geez, Gab. Enough. No—well, I don’t know—maybe. But right now, he’s just good company when I’m sitting here babysitting, and that’s probably as far as it will ever get. I don’t plan to put out, so he’ll probably eventually give up and go find a real girlfriend, if he hasn’t already.”

  “Well, just be careful with these older guys. They’ll use you and lose you at the snap of their fingers. And if he talks you into something, you better make him wear protection,” Olivia warned.

  “Note taken. Now I got to get ready for work.” Gabby jumped off the couch, excited to have her sister back, even if just for a few days. She hurried to get ready for work, knowing she’d be coun
ting the minutes until she was off and they could stretch out on the bunk beds like old times and catch up on everything.

  “Olivia, I started you a bubble bath,” Gabby told her as she headed out the door. “When I get home, you can tell me all about married life and I’ll fill you in on what you’re missing out on not being single like me,” she said, laughing. “There’s tea bags and sugar in the canisters if you want a cup of hot tea. Mom’s going to leave for work early since you’ll be here when Emma gets home. She’ll be over the moon to see you.”

  “Okay, Gabby. Thanks,” Olivia said as she reluctantly pulled herself off the couch and headed toward the bathroom. “Bye.”

  “Love you. Bye,” Gabby answered with their usual parting words.

  Emma threw herself into Olivia’s arms, almost knocking her over. “Olivia! When did you get here?”

  “Just an hour or so ago. Where you been, munchkin?” Olivia asked, not able to resist pulling on one of Emma’s pigtails. Olivia loved it that Emma would still wear pigtails even though she was ten years old now. She hoped she’d stay a little girl as long as possible.

  “Taylor’s mom took us skating. We just got back. Taylor lives here in the same apartments and she’s my friend, but she doesn’t skate as fast as me. I’m faster. Taylor doesn’t have any sisters, and I have twins! I get to share a bedroom with Gabby, but Taylor has to sleep all alone in a big scary room. Mama said we might get a cat. Did you see my new clothes Mark bought me? He—”

  “Whoa, Emma, slow down!” Olivia laughed. Emma was so excited that she was trying to tell Olivia everything all at once. “We got about an hour before your bedtime, and I’m spending the night. We have plenty of time to talk.”

  “You are? Is Billy going to be here too?” Emma asked, big-eyed.

  She’s scared of him, Olivia thought to herself. I wonder what she sees that scares her.

  “Nope. Just me,” Olivia answered cheerfully. “I’m going to take your bunk, but I’ll make you a comfy pallet right beside me, okay?”

  “Yay! Awesome, Olivia! So we get you all to ourselves? Really?”

  I need to come by more often if the fact that I’m staying overnight affects her like this.

  “Really, munchkin. Now how about show me those new clothes to start with?”

  Emma and Olivia spent the next hour looking through her new clothes and talking about how much she liked their new apartment, her new school, and her new friends. It was good to see her sweet face. Olivia laughed to herself, remembering her sister’s high-pitched voice used to drive her batty when they all lived together. Now she could listen to her all night—well, maybe not all night.

  “Okay, Emma. It’s time for you to snuggle with your monkey and go to sleep. I’ll still be here in the morning, okay?” Olivia said as she tucked her into her pallet.

  “Olivia, please don’t leave before I wake up. I have so much more to tell you. It’s important stuff that I haven’t told Gabby and Mama yet,” she said, slowly drifting off to sleep. Emma was exhausted from skating and the excitement of seeing Olivia. Probably forgot to tell me about the music at the skating rink, or her teacher’s name, or the boy she was crushing on, or something that was “important stuff” to a little girl, Olivia thought, but she was glad for a reprieve. She was getting sleepy again.

  She walked into the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea, looking at the clock. Thirty minutes until Gabby got off work. She hadn’t thought to ask her if she should pick her up. Oh well, I’m not waking Emma up and I can’t leave her alone. Olivia wasn’t worried; either Mom would pick her up and drop Gabby off on her way to work, or she’d catch a ride. Olivia knew Gabby’s boss was a fatherly type—very nice guy—who tried to make sure Gabby got home safe when he asked her to work nights, which wasn’t often. Gabby definitely needs to get her own car soon, Olivia thought.

  Olivia finished stirring her tea, just as someone knocked on the door. She froze. Crap, she thought, I hope it isn’t Billy. She’d ignored his calls the entire day and it was just like him to show up here looking for her. She crept over and looked through the peephole. Definitely not Billy. If this was Gabby’s new admirer, he was way out of Billy’s league. Not that Billy wasn’t smoking hot, but this guy was on an all-different level of sizzling.

  Olivia opened the door, noticing the stylish North Face sweatshirt, and trendy jeans. He was tall, muscular and had neatly cut jet-black hair, with the exception of one stray lock haphazardly hanging down, drawing her attention to his long, thick lashes and hazel-eyes.

  He looked as surprised by her as she did by him.

  “Yes?”

  “Uh... is Gabby here?” he said, looking confused.

  “No, she’s at work. She gets off in about half an hour,” Olivia answered, smiling at his obvious confusion. Apparently, Gabby hadn’t told him she had a twin sister. They got this reaction all the time. “I’m her twin sister, Olivia. You must be Tom.”

  “Yeah... Wow. You two really look alike... but... different. Unreal. Umm... can I come in and wait for Gabby?”

  Olivia hesitated and then thought, Gabby said he’s been hanging out with her here. So it must be okay.

  “I guess so. I’m sure Gabby would be glad to see you,” Olivia answered, opening the door wider to allow him in.

  Olivia made her way to the couch, feeling self-conscious having just met him in Gabby’s pajamas: a pair of sleep shorts and a SpongeBob tank top. She was glad Gabby hadn’t put away her fuzzy blanket. She quickly grabbed it and sat down, covering herself up to her armpits, then sipped on her tea.

  Tom flopped down into the only chair, seeming to make himself right at home, and looked at the TV.

  “You can change the channel if you want. I wasn’t watching anything,” Olivia told him. Her face burned at the awkward silence between them.

  Tom picked up the remote and typed in the channel number to MTV.

  Wow. Guess he is comfortable here. An old Shania Twain song came on and he got up and moved to the end of the couch. Okay... that’s weird. Maybe he can see the TV better from the couch? Olivia wondered. She wasn’t going to bust his balls for sitting on the same piece of furniture as her, even though knowing that would probably piss Gabby off. So she just kept her eyes on Shania Twain crooning something about life after love... peeking to watch Tom from the corner of her eye without moving her head. She didn’t want him to think she was looking at him for whatever reason.

  “You got a boyfriend?” Tom asked out of the blue.

  “I have a husband,” Olivia answered sternly.

  “Oh, the more mature twin. I like that. I really do,” he said, smiling lazily and looking her over. Now Olivia was getting nervous. Since he’d moved to the couch, she noticed his eyes didn’t look right. He looked stoned. Oh My God, I hope Gabby’s not messing with that stuff, Olivia thought.

  Before she knew what was happening, Tom knocked her tea out of her hand and in the blink of an eye was on top of her, pulling her legs down with one hand while ripping the blanket away with the other.

  “Stop it!” Olivia screamed. “Stop! Get the hell off me!”

  He didn’t seem to hear anything she said and pushed his mouth against hers, yanking her up to him with his hand on the back of her head. Olivia smelled pot and cigarette smoke and fought the urge to vomit when he stuck his tongue in her mouth, slithering it around. She kicked and jerked her head from side to side, trying to avoid his disgusting slobbering mouth. Within seconds, he’d ripped off her shorts and panties.

  “NO!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, getting her mouth away from his and gasping for breath. “My husband will seriously kill you if you don’t stop. Get off me!”

  He wasn’t stopping. He was going for broke. He easily held her bucking body down with his and had both her wrists over her head, held by one hand. When she felt him reach for his own pants and heard the telltale sound of the zipper, she begged, “Please stop... Please don’t do this. My younger sister is right down the hall... Emma, do yo
u know Emma? Please, what if she comes out? What if Gabby comes home? I thought you liked Gabby?” she whispered, crying uncontrollably now. Why would he do this to me? Olivia thought.

  “Your sister’s a cock tease. Just shut the fuck up and this will be over in a minute,” he finally responded, roughly forcing himself into her—with no regard for the fact she was dry—already furiously pumping away.

  “No! Please... I don’t want this... Please stop!” She whimpered loudly at the pain the friction was causing, still trying to push him off. One more rough thrust and he was done, burying his face in her neck and moaning as he released his seed. At least it was quick; that’s all the mercy he gave her. That and he didn’t hit her when she fought him. But it was still rape. Wasn’t it? Olivia was stunned into a confused silence.

  He got up and zipped his jeans, looking down at her guiltily. “Sorry. I really wanted Gabby. I’ve waited for her to come around a long time... and then you were here, married and shit. I thought that made you experienced... and... I... I... I just couldn’t stop. You wearing those short pajamas and looking just like her... Shit... I couldn’t help myself. Was it okay for you?”

  Olivia looked at him in disbelief and thought, Oh my God, this dirt bag just raped me and is asking if it was okay for me? She started screaming. “Aaahhhh... Somebody help!”

  That got him moving. He turned around and was at the door in three seconds flat, running down the stairs two at a time. Olivia slammed and locked the door and ran for the phone, wrapping the blanket around her as she went and scooping up her panties and Gabby’s PJs. Her teeth were chattering and she was so cold. But she stopped before she even reached the phone.

  I can’t call the police. I need a bath. Another bath. Right now. She ran into the bathroom, turning the water on all the way to hot, throwing the clothes to the floor. She sat in the tub, again filled with mounds of bubbles, her arms wrapped around her knees, going through it over and over in her mind. Could I have stopped him somehow? Should I have not opened the door? Should I call the police? Should I call Billy? Should I tell Gabby? Oh my God, Billy will be furious. He’ll never believe it wasn’t consensual. He’ll probably kill me. She wasn’t even crying anymore. As these thoughts rocketed through her head, she just sat there in a stupor, staring at the random collection of shampoo bottles that was inevitable with three females in one home, when she finally heard the door open.